At what age do children start to regulate their emotions?

Good afternoon, Ms Buchmann,

thank you very much for your question! As I am not familiar with the context of your enquiry, I will try to answer your questions in general terms, whilst also providing some specific details.

At what age can a child begin to regulate their emotions?

Emotional regulation begins in the first year of life, but initially it is primarily through co-regulation with a sensitive caregiver. For example, a baby calms down when held, spoken to gently or rocked rhythmically. Their stress response is co-regulated by the caregiver. At the same time, infants already display initial strategies that they initiate themselves to regulate their emotions: they look away, turn their head away or suck their thumb.

Between 2 and 3 years of age, children increasingly develop their own strategies. They actively seek closeness to their primary caregiver, deliberately fetch a transitional object, use their body to self-soothe, use simple language (“I’m sad”) or distract themselves through play or movement.

At pre-school age (3–5 years), self-regulation improves significantly because they are increasingly able to use language, impulse control and the ability to take on others’ perspectives (theory of mind). This enables children to cope better with short waiting periods, practise simple regulation strategies (e.g. thinking about something else to distract themselves) and express feelings through role-play.

At school age , emotional regulation improves further as executive functions continue to mature. Children are now better able to contextualise frustration, plan their reactions more consciously, make more targeted use of social support and increasingly apply cognitive strategies (e.g. reframing, problem-solving).

In adolescence , the range of strategies becomes even more finely tuned and context-sensitive, as abstract thinking and self-reflection continue to mature.

How can a child’s environment support them in integrating their emotions?

Sensitivity of the primary caregiver: Responding sensitively and promptly to signals, taking feelings seriously, and offering reassurance – this creates a sense of security and helps the child to better understand and make sense of their inner states.

Co-regulation: Accompanying the child, mirroring their emotions, and finding solutions together.

Using play: Through free play, the child processes experiences and experiments with feelings. In role-play, they learn to see things from other perspectives and explore ways of expressing emotions. Games involving rules and physical activity promote impulse control and flexibility – important foundations of emotional regulation.

Role of peers: With peers, the child experiences conflict, cooperation and negotiation. These social challenges help them learn frustration tolerance, consideration for others and how to regulate strong emotions.

Structure and predictability: Reliable routines relieve pressure on the stress response system and provide a sense of direction.

In summary, it can be said that the first signs of emotional regulation appear very early on, but that development can be a long process, continuing into early adulthood (and beyond!).

I hope this has given you an initial overview of the development of emotional regulation. Please feel free to ask about anything that interests you specifically.

Kind regards

Regula Neuenschwander