How can I help a young child who’s always ‘getting in the way’?

Dear Timon,

It is understandable that you are concerned when a child repeatedly behaves in a way that falls outside the usual norms for the group – and that you are looking for ways to help them as best you can. Particularly with younger children, conspicuous behaviour is often a sign that invites us to take a closer look. It’s good that you’re keeping an eye on this.

From a developmental psychology perspective, there are many possible reasonswhy a child aged 2.5 years might behave as you describe. Below, I’ll briefly discuss possible causes and then outline suitable educational approaches.

Causes from a developmental psychology perspective

A child who, over a prolonged period, shows little alignment with group behaviour may be experiencing attachment insecurities or emotional distress. This does not necessarily indicate a disorder, but the child may lack the emotional security needed to engage with group activities. Challenging behaviour can generally also be an expression of stress, feeling overwhelmed, neglect or unclear boundaries within the family environment.

Social-emotional development

From the perspective of social-emotional development, this age marks a transition: children are discovering their own will and want to make many decisions for themselves, repeatedly coming up against limits in the process. The child is only just beginning to recognise other people’s perspectives, understand social expectations and cope with their strong emotions. Furthermore, their impulse control is still underdeveloped. Some children take longer to complete these developmental stages – particularly if they have a very strong temperament, limited verbal expression or still lack confidence in social situations.

Possible courses of action

What helps in such cases?

• • Observation with an open, understanding eye: Don’t just ask yourself “What is the child doing?”, but also “Why might they be behaving this way?” Perhaps they are overwhelmed, seeking attention or feeling insecure.
  • Patience and clarity: Repeated, simple rules, communicated calmly, help the child to find their bearings. It often takes many repetitions for them to internalise these.
  • Positive reinforcement: Any form of successful cooperation – however small – deserves recognition. This teaches the child: “I can belong without having to fight.”

Scope for choice

As regards the chair as a disciplinary measure: It is understandable that one would want to set boundaries when the child refuses to cooperate at all. However, children often perceive such measures as exclusion or punishment – particularly if they do not understand the context or are left on their own. This can lead to frustration or withdrawal and sometimes even reinforces the inappropriate behaviour.

Alternatives could include:

• • Keeping the child close to you and actively supporting them (“I can see it’s difficult right now. I’m here with you.”)
  • offering them a quiet place to retreat to – not as a punishment, but as a way to calm down
  • or giving them a small task that takes them out of the conflict (e.g. “Could you have a go at helping me with the towels?”).

You’re thinking about it, you’re paying attention – that’s already the most important step. Every child has their own story, their own temperament and their own coping strategies. With patience, understanding and clarity, you can make a real difference – sometimes even through small changes in how you interact.

I hope this helps a little. Otherwise, please feel free to ask.

Kind regards,

Regula Neuenschwander